In person in San Francisco Video everywhere else
Life Systems Coaching
You've read the books, listened to the podcasts, maybe done some therapy, you know more about improving your life than most people ever will, and the same three things still keep you up at night.
Knowing isn't the problem. The problem is figuring out which action is the right one, and then actually doing it, every week, when nobody is checking. That's what we work on.
Who this is for
Most of the people I work with are men in their late 20s and 30s. They're doing fine on paper, good job, decent apartment, a gym habit, and they can feel that the life they have was put together by default. If that sounds like you, whoever you are, you're welcome here.
You might be here if:
- You have a list of fifty things you should be doing and no idea which one actually matters.
- You've started the same thing twice. Maybe three times.
- You know exactly what you want, and you're still not doing it.
- You don't know what you want, and you're tired of pretending you do.
How it works
A free 20-minute call
You tell me what you've been putting off. I tell you honestly whether I can help. If I can't, I'll say so and point you somewhere better.
A 90-minute first session
We lay everything out: what's costing you the most, what's actually in your control, and what you care about underneath all of it. You leave with a short list of actions for the month, and each one is either done or not done by Sunday.
A written check-in every week
A few lines, every week. Did you do it, and if not, what got in the way. I answer every single one.
Two 45-minute sessions a month
We look at what worked, drop what didn't, and pick the next right action.
How we pick the right action
I trained as a scientist, so I treat every action like an experiment. Pick the one most likely to matter, run it for a week, look at what happened, adjust. Failure is feedback. A week that didn't work still tells you something, and a week you never tried tells you nothing.
Every action has to pass three questions before it goes on your list:
- Is it in your control? If there's no "I" in the problem, you have no control over it, so we keep digging until there is one.
- Does it serve what you actually care about? Not what you think you're supposed to want. What you'd still care about if nobody ever found out.
- Will you know on Sunday whether you did it? "Be healthier" fails. "Lift three times this week" passes.
If you want a head start, take the Marble Statue Test or grab one of my free workbooks. They're the same ideas we'll use, and they're free because they should be.
Price
$300 a month for my first five clients, and it stays that price for as long as you stay. After that, $450 a month.
That covers the 90-minute first session, two 45-minute sessions a month, and a reply to every weekly check-in. Month to month, cancel whenever you want.
The one thing I ask of founding clients: after your second month, write me an honest review, good or bad.
Who this isn't for
- You're in crisis, or you need treatment for depression, addiction, or trauma. That's work for a licensed therapist, and I'll tell you so.
- You want motivation, a hack, or a hype man.
- You want someone to hand you a plan. You'll write your own. My job is to help you pick the right actions and keep you honest about doing them.
Who I am
I'm Deacon Santiago. I trained as a molecular geneticist, I work in AI, and I live in San Francisco. I've written three free workbooks and a few dozen essays on building a life on purpose, and I run my own life on the same systems I'll teach you. More on the About page.
Questions
Is this therapy?
No. This is coaching. I'm not a psychologist, and I won't pretend to be one. If you're dealing with depression, addiction, or trauma, a licensed therapist is the right first call, and I'll tell you that on our first call if I think so.
Do I have to live in San Francisco?
No. If you're in San Francisco, we meet in person, usually on a walk or at a table somewhere. Everywhere else, we meet on video.
Is this only for men?
No. I write mostly for men and most of my readers are men, so that's who usually shows up. Anyone who sees themselves on this page is welcome.
How long do people work with you?
It's month to month and you can stop whenever you want. I'd suggest giving it three months, because a new habit takes a while to prove itself.
What if I miss a week?
Then that's what we talk about. Not to make you feel bad, just to find out what got in the way, because that's usually the most useful thing either of us learns all month.
If you read this far, you probably already know what you've been putting off. Come tell me about it.
This is coaching, not therapy. Nothing here is medical, psychological, legal, or financial advice.